Housewife fun fact: I was sick as a dog on my wedding day. Not from nerves, but from a flu-like virus. I was one symptom short of a full flu diagnosis (no coughing), meaning the doctor couldn’t give me anything to make me feel better. The doctor did, however, say “Noooo!!!” quite emphatically when I told her ”I’m getting married tomorrow.”
I started to feel sick two days before the big day, and by the next morning I felt like absolute death. High fever, body aches, no appetite, exhaustion – I could barely sit up straight, never mind walk. These are not bridey feelings. Not bridey at all. But we had 84 guests coming from all over the country, and a caterer and everything else paid for, so there was nothing to do but chug water and juice like it was my job, take a ton of ibuprofen and smile. So that’s what I did.
The wedding was lovely. The Accountant and I (Okay, maybe more I… But I swear, she was involved every step of the way!) had painstakingly planned this day for a year and a half. I had made the invitations and centerpieces by hand, created our reception playlist, and bought a gorgeous dress that I loved. We had picked out the most delicious cake we’d ever tasted and found an absolutely beautiful location that felt so completely “us.” I couldn’t believe how beautifully everything came together on the actual day – we even had wonderful weather! Our friends and family danced the night away and showered us with many congratulations along with compliments on everything from the food, to the decor, to the lovely ceremony. The Accountant had a great time. I had a nice time too, but not the time that I would have had if I’d been healthy.
I really tried my best, and in the pictures you can’t tell that I’m sick (maybe in a few…), but the truth of the matter is – I felt awful all day and night. I was really trying to be in the moment and enjoy this wonderful day in our lives, but I felt like the volume was turned down on everything. It’s hard to get lost in the moment when you feel like you might fall over at any second.
In the months after the wedding, I dwelled a lot on the experience lost. I had so been looking forward to the ceremony, to The Accountant and I exchanging the vows we wrote, to that powerful moment of making publicly the promises we had already made privately. Looking back on it all, it seemed unreal. We had gotten married, but I felt like I was barely present for it. I had the beautiful party that we planned, but not the experience of getting married, which was much more important to me. I hadn’t even had the chance to finish writing my vows! I had planned to work on them more in the days before the wedding, but being so sick, I never got to it and was stuck with what was really a rough draft.
After talking with The Accountant about this a number of times, I figured out what I needed. I needed for us to exchange our vows again. No one had to be there, and no party was necessary. I just truly wanted that moment of being able to look her in the eyes and say my vows in the way that I had always intended to. I wanted the chance to finish writing them, and to be fully present in the moment of saying all the things that I wanted to say. The Accountant being the wonderful wife that she is, agreed.
We had already planned our trip to Provincetown (which is also where we honeymooned – I was still sick for the whole week) and decided that the beach there would be the perfect location. We found an affordable photographer and asked her to come and take some pictures to commemorate the day.
I cannot find the words to say how happy I am that we did it.
Our wedding was an important milestone and very important in particular for our loved ones. We purposefully planned a fairly traditional event so that it would be recognizable to our families. We wanted them to understand the seriousness of our commitment and our intention to spend our lives together and create our own family. So in a sense, it was all for them. Sure, we made it very much our own (No one wore a white dress, and there were no bridesmaids or bouquet throwing, for example) and were very pleased with how everything turned out, but I think if we were somehow not a lesbian couple, and therefore didn’t feel that need to make it more traditional/accessible, we would have been completely satisfied with a much more private and intimate celebration.
Standing on an empty beach on a beautiful June morning, saying our vows to each other (or in my case, croaking them out while in full ugly-cry) was purely for us. It didn’t feel like a wedding. It felt like getting married. And it was wonderful.
I so frickin’ called it!!!!!!
